When we were in seventh grade, many, many, many, many moons ago, we enrolled in our school’s first-ever computer science class. It was fun. We programmed in BASIC, and made our Commodore 64s say embarrassing things out loud about our classmates. Like, in the middle of Mr. McCurdy’s lecture, someone’s computer would blurt out that “RICH-IE ROD-RI-GUEZ IS A PO-SER.” That always got a big laugh.

Our big project for the semester was to build an electronic weather station. We got divided into teams, and each team was responsible for a different component. One group had to design and build a rainfall gauge; another would make something to measure the wind direction and speed. It was all supposed to feed data into our computers where they’d be organized and displayed in a coherent way.

Well, to make a long story short, the station never got built. We soldered a few little bits of circuitry together, but we never came anywhere near realizing Mr. McCurdy’s original vision of an operational meteorological data center on the roof of our school. As it turns out, it’s just as well. Because we only had to wait 20 years or so to see the Thermor Home Weather Station, which is everything we kids were trying to build and more.

Once you set it up, it measures indoor and outdoor temperature, wind speed and direction, rainfall, barometric pressure and other weather-y stuff. If you go for the BIOS station, it’ll display the key meteorological conditions on your television screen or PC monitor. (True meteorology nerds might prefer this model, as it comes with cool weather-analyzer software.) If you get the version with the home monitor, your current weather conditions will be displayed on that. Either way, you get detailed, ultra-local weather reports without having to put up with any of the annoying hairspray test subjects that usually deliver such information on TV.

You know, the other reason we aren’t too broken up about our failure to manufacture a working electronic weather station is that all it would have gotten us was a one-day sale on Woot. Nice as this item is — and it is nice — it’s not exactly the new iPhone, is it? Its designers are probably not basking on a beach somewhere, lapping shots of rum from the smalls of Brazilian bikini models’ backs. So it’s not like we missed our big break.

Plus, it’s better for the consumer that we weren’t the ones to build this thing as children. It’s put together much more solidly than the rickety hunkajunk we were working on. Boy, were we hopeless with the soldering gun! It was a mess. You have to believe that the Chinese kids who assembled the components in this thing are much better craftsmen than we were back then. I mean, they’re professionals.

Warranty: 1 Year Thermor

Thermor BW990 PC/TV Interface Features:

• Dual functioning home weather station allows you to view transmitted weather data on your computer screen or television
• PC Weather Analyzer software stores, tracks, and analyzes weather conditions
• Reports current outdoor weather conditions and indoor temperature
• Connects to your TV with a composite cable (Included)
• Connects to your PC with a mini USB cable (Included)
• Outdoor sensors are easily mounted and transmit up to 60m / 200 feet to the indoor receiver that displays all weather information
• Displays 11 key weather conditions on your television screen or PC
• Forecasts the next 12 hours based on trends over the last 72 hours
• Transmits data every 128 seconds, bringing you the latest weather information

Thermor BW953 LCD Home Monitor Features:

• Displays 10 key weather conditions on the home monitor
• Outdoor sensors are easily mounted and transmit up to 60m / 200 feet to the indoor receiver that displays all weather information
• Reports current outdoor weather conditions and indoor temperature
• Forecasts the next 12 hours based on trends over the last 72 hours
• Transmits data every 128 seconds, bringing you the latest weather information

Measurements:

• Wind Speed and direction
• Wind Chill ºC and ºF (max/min)
• Forecasts the next 12 hours based on trends
• Rainfall (cm/in)
• Date, Time and alarm
• Barometric Pressure in mb/in (max/min)
• Barometric Trend over the last 24 hours
• Temperature alarm
• Indoor and Outdoor Temperature ºC and ºF (max/min)
• Indoor Relative Humidity
• Monthly and Annual Rainfall (PC monitor only)
• Wind Gusts (PC Monitor only)
• Wireless Signal Strength (Indoor Monitor only)

Specifications:

• Outdoor Temperature Reading: -40°C to 60°C (-40°F to 140°F)
• Outdoor Temperature Reading Accuracy: +/- 2°C (+/- 4ºF)
• Indoor Temperature Reading: -0°C to 40°C (32 °F to 104 °F)
• Indoor Temperature Reading Accuracy: +/-2°C (+/-4ºF)
• Humidity Reading: 20 % to 95 % relative humidity
• Humidity Accuracy: +/-7%
• Wind Speed Reading: 0 to 100 km/h (0 to 60 mph)
• Wind Speed Accuracy:
• Wind Speed Reading: 0 to 100 km/h (0 to 60 mph)
• Wind Speed Accuracy: +/4 km of the range (km/h or mph)Air Pressure Reading: 840 – 1200 mb (24.8 35.4 inHg)
• Air Pressure Accuracy: +/-4 mb (+/- 0.2 inHg)
• Wind Direction: Measures up to 16 directions
• Rainfall Reading: 0 to 99.9 cm (0 to 39.3 in)
• Rainfall Accuracy: +/-0.05 cm (+/-0.02 in)
• Transmission Distance: Over 60 meters (dependent upon transmission interference)
• Wind Chill: 74 °C to 10 °C (101 °F to 49 °F)
• Wind Chill Accuracy: +/-2 °C (+/-4 °F)

Wind Sensor Dimensions:

• 17” Tall with Mounting post mounted vertically
• 10” Long with Mounting post mounted vertically
• 19.5” Long with Mounting post mounted horizontally
• 8” Tall with Mounting post mounted horizontally

Rain Sensor Dimensions:

• 4.5” Tall
• 6” Wide
• 3.25” Deep

Thermometer-transmitter Dimensions:

• 6” Tall with out cover
• 6.5” Tall with cover
• 2” Wide with out cover
• 3” Wide with cover

Additional Photos:

• Home Monitor Weather Station with LCD Display
• Television/PC Weather Station
• Wind Sensor
• Thermometer/Transmitter
• Thermometer/Transmitter with Cover Removed
• Rain Sensor
• Home Monitor LCD Display
• Television/PC Box
• Television/PC Ports

In the Box BW990 PC/TV Interface:

• Wind Sensor
• Rain Sensor
• Thermometer/Transmistter
• Indoor Receiveer with TV out and USB
• Weather Analyzer Software

In the Box BW953 LCD Home Monitor:

•  Wind Sensor
• Rain Sensor
• Thermometer/Transmistter
• Indoor Receiver with LCD Display

Okay, so, the other dhay I was getting my coffhay at this bodega near my flat, and I saw Ashlhay! And I said, “Hey, Ashlhay, want some coffhay?” but Ashlhay didn’t shay hay, she just kept walking past mhay! And so I grabbed my iPhone and called Tiffanhay and said “Tiffanhay, Ashlhay just snubbed mhay at coffhay!” and Tiffanhay said “Brandhay! I’m worrhayed! Ashlhay told mhay that she was going out todhay and buying a Memorex MMP8585C 4GB MP3 Video Photo Player!”

And I said “Reallhay? Ashlhay mhay have a whay to plhay an mpthray that isn’t trendhay?” and Tiffanhay said “Reallhay, okhay?” And then we Twittered about it and linked to the Twitter on our Facebooks.

But while I was drinking my coffhay, I started thinking about the whay society corrals us dhay to dhay. Like, people sometimes shay that me and Tiffanhay are aphids! No, wait, that’s not the word. Vapid, they shay. And that has mhay wondering why. I mean, is it because of the iPhones? Are they judging mhay because of how good I seem to bhay?

Anywhay, I looked into the Memorex MMP8585C 4GB MP3 Video Photo Player to see if Ashlhay was making a mistake. First of all, it’s got 4 gigs of memorhay, and that’s pretty good, you know, for regular people. At least it’s not one of those 2 gig ones. I mean, when you’re on the subwhay, not that I ever am, unless I’m going to Conhay for the ironhay, you don’t need to be watching a feature film on your little screen. Oh, yeah, the Memorex MMP8585C 4GB MP3 Video Photo Player does video and music. MPEG-4, WMhay, MPthray, you can take your entertainment with you whenever you want.

I guess that’s what Ashlhay was doing because I saw her a few hours later at a clothing store, you know, behind a displhay. I went right up and said “Ashlhay, what are you doing, acting like you’re an employhay? Where’s your iPhone?” And guess what Ashlhay said back to mhay? Ashlhay said she was there that dhay earning her phay and had been working since Mhay! And she’d left her phone at home! Well, I called Tiffanhay and to see what she’d shay and she said “No whay!” and I said it was crazhay! I mean, who’d want a Memorex MMP8585C 4GB MP3 Video Photo Player instead of an iPhone? Why wouldn’t Ashlhay want to take calls from me and Tiffanhay throughout the dhay in every whay? And most important, is there some new place where she’s getting her coffhay?

Warranty: 90 Day Memorex

Features:

• Built-in 4GB flash memory
• 2000 songs at 64kbps for over 128 hours of WMA music
• 1000 songs at 128kbps for over 64 hours of MP3 music
• MP3, WMA, WMA-DRM (WMA protected files), MPEG-4, and JPEG file playback
• 1.5 inch OLED color screen with image viewer
• Rechargeable lithium-polymer battery
• Up to 20 hours of audio playback (up to 2 hours of video playback)
• Equalizer with 5 presets and custom EQ
• Mass storage compliance with Plug-n-play function
• Downloadable PC software enables transcoding of most video formats to MPEG-4
• Supports most subscription music providers
• Upgradeable firmware

Additional Photos:

• Memorex MMP8585C 4GB Media Player
• Bottom View
• Top View
• Side Controls

In the box:

• Memorex MMP8585C 4GB Media Player
• USB Cable
• Headphones
• Software CD
• User Guide

What’s the big rush? What so bad about taking life easy? About stopping along the way to watch the paint dry? In my day, it took us three hours to walk the eight miles to our grandma’s house. And we didn’t complain, because we understood that the journey was as important as the destination.

Also, we hated our grandma. Soon as we got there, she’d make us each eat an entire bunch of celery. Settles the blood, she used to say. Then she’d pinch the backs of our necks for chewing too loud. If we’d gone to grandma’s in some fancy zip-zoom flivver, that just would have given us more time to get pinched.

So no Belkin Wireless G+ MIMO Router for me, thank you very much. I don’t know about you, friend, but I don’t like getting pinched. No need for maximum wireless throughput around here. Not much call for data speeds 10 times faster than wireless-B. I don’t even think this thing would work with my old Underwood typewriter anyway, and that’s how I like it. I’ll just keep on getting my information the old-fashioned way: homing turtles.

Warranty: Lifetime Belkin

Features:

• Share music, movies and data files among all your computers with wireless convenience
• 4 10/100 Base-T ports with auto-sensing and auto-uplink RJ45 ports
• Ideal for homes and small office settings
• Wireless G Plus MIMO (Multiple Input Multiple Output) products are based on a smart antenna technology that builds upon the widely deployed 802.11g standard by increasing speed, coverage, and reliability of wireless systems
• Up to 1000 ft. of wireless range under optimal conditions
• 10 times faster than 802.11b and double the speed of 802.11g
• Wi-Fi certified and seamlessly interoperates with a mixture of Belkin’s G Plus MIMO, Pre-N, and legacy 802.11b/802.11g devices
• In mixed networking environments, Belkin G Plus MIMO products increase 802.11g and 802.11b performance up to 10%

Specifications:

• LEDs: Power, Wired, Wireless, Modem, Internet
• Maximum Users: 253 (LAN), 16 (WLAN)
• Ports: Four 4-10/100 Base-T auto-sensing and auto-uplink RJ45 ports, one LAN 1-10/100Base-T RJ45 port, WAN
• Protocols supported: CSMA/CD, TCP, IP, UDP, PPPoE, UPnP, and DHCP (client and server)
• Range: Up to 1,000 feet
• Security: WPA, WPA2, 64-bit/128-bit encryption
• Specifications Standards: IEEE 802.11b , IEEE 802.11g , IEEE 802.3u 100Base-T Fast Ethernet , IEEE 802.3u 10Base-T Fast Ethernet

Additional Photo:

• Rear View

In the box:

• Wireless G+ MIMO Router
• Installation CD
• Power Supply
• Quick Installation Guide
• RJ45 Ethernet Networking Cable
• User Manual on CD-ROM
• Wireless G Plus MIMO Router

There may come a time when a young Count who is in disguise as a poor student that’s trying to serenade a rich girl who’s being kept from him by a doctor that’s planning to marry her himself will come to you for aid. And certainly, your plan to have that young Count disguised as a poor student also dress up as a soldier and pretend to be drunk in order to gain entrance to the house is an excellent one. But what happens if the plan falls through and the young Count is arrested by the watch? Well, if you’ve got a Wahl Comb n’ Cut Grooming Kit, there’s no need to worry.

While your friend the Count negotiates his way out of the hands of his own men, you’ll be preparing the Comb N’ Cut Clippers. The Whal system means that if you can comb hair, you can cut it! You’ll load everything up into your Durable Storage Case and head over to the house of the doctor, where you’ll be asked to do the doctor’s hair so as not to leave his ward, whom you will recall is the rich girl, and the Count, whom you will find is now disguised as a young man that is additionally disguised as a music teacher, alone. With the included S Comb, Barber Comb, Barber’s Cape and Scissors, you’ll be able to stall until your friend, the Count, and the young girl are able to marry against the wishes of the doctor. But surely he’ll be so pleased by his haircut that he’ll never think of protesting the whole affair!

So when the happy lovers are off raising a family of chipmunks, you’ll be lying with the gypsies who live just outside of town, enjoying the fruits of your labors, which is what happens when you have a Count in your debt. It’ll all be thanks to the Wahl Comb n’ Cut Grooming Kit. Imagine, once you’re rich, you’ll have plenty of time to practice your Magic Flute!

Warranty: One Year Wahl

Features:

• The in-between haircut solution revolution
  
• Sleek ergonomic design
  
• Fits comfortably in the hand for easy maneuverability
  
• Trueguard Technology allows gradual cutting and trimming
  
• Simply comb through hair until enough is cut
  
• The mistake free haircut solution
  
• If you can comb hair, you can cut hair
  
• Works with all hair textures
  
• Save time and money

In the box:

• Comb ‘n Cut
  
• Durable Storage Case “S” Comb
  
• Barber Comb
  
• Cape (fits adults and children)
  
• Scissors
  
• Cleaning Brush
  
• Oil
  
• How-To DVD (English/Spanish)
  
• English/Spanish Instruction Manual