“Give yourself up, Floord! The carpet is surrounded! We know you’re hiding in there somewhere!”

“Come and get me! I’m dug in down here, deep in the fibers! No way you’ve got the firepower to roust me!”

“You’re wrong, Floord! Hoover’s called in the big guns! We’re talking about WindTunnel technology! And once you’ve been snared by that, the Cyclonic Suction will work you over in the dirt chamber! Even if you run, we’ve got a 28-foot cord! With the multi-surface brush roll, not even hard floors are safe! You don’t stand a chance, Floord!”

“I heard that before! I’m still here, ain’t I?”

“That’s what Dirtinger said, too! And Bonnie & Crud, and Messy Face Nelson! Seen them lately, Floord? No, you haven’t – they’re in the dustbin!”

“Aww, blow it out your HEPA filter! I’m done talking!”

“Have it your way, Floord. Fire it up, Killigan.”

VHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“Aaaagghhh! Mama! They- they got meeee-”

“That’s him, Chief. There he goes, Dirty Boy Floord, right into the dirt chamber. Anything else I can do here?”

“Yeah, search his car for women’s underwear.”

“But – why -”

“Orders from higher-up, Killigan. Way higher-up.”

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 6 month Hoover warranty

Features:

• Multi-chamber cyclonic system for excellent dirt separation
• Easy empty bottom release dirt cup, does not require bags
• Cord Rewind with 28’ Cord, retracts quickly and easily at the push of a button
• Lifetime HEPA Filter, traps 100% of dust mites, ragweed and common grass pollens
• Multi-Surface Brush Roll Control
• 14 foot Cleaning Reach with Hose and Wands
• Onboard Tools: Pet Hair Cleaning Tool, Combination Dusting Brush and Upholstery Tool, 2 Extension Wands, Crevice Tool
• Bottom Release Dirt Cup
• Fingertip On/Off Controls
• Large Soft Wheels
• 15” WidePath Nozzle
• Carpet Height Adjustment
• Dimensions: 31” x 15” x 13” (assembled: 44” x 15” x 13”)

In the box:

• Hoover WindTunnel + Cyclonic Upright Bagless Vacuum (color may vary)
• Pet Hair Cleaning Tool
• Combination Dusting Brush and Upholstery Tool
• 2 Extension Wands
• Crevice Tool

Once the thrill of independence starts to fade, you realize that declaring your house a sovereign nation is a lot of work. There are stamps to print, monuments to erect, bribes to accept. And for a young nation like mine, not yet certain of its place in the post-colonial world, cross-border tensions are always running high, especially with that nosy old bat next door who defaced the Caputonian flag I erected on top of the privacy fence. She keeps saying that it’s “her” fence and threatening to sue, as if a U.S. court has any jurisdiction over Caputonian affairs.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to be the Imperial Generalissimo. But despite the unanimous support of the population (me and my three goldfish), the business of the state wears heavily on such a small government staff (me and my three goldfish). So I often indulge in a time-honored Caputonian tradition that I just invented: brewing up a cup or two with the national Cuisinart Grind and Brew Cofeemaker. It’s fully programmable, does both the grinding and the brewing, and when I’m late for an international summit or a public beheading, the Brew Pause feature lets me grab a sip or two before the whole pot is done. I like the goldtone permanent filter so much I’ve already promoted it to Minister of Economic Money Business. Don’t worry, it’ll still have time to carry out its coffee-filtering duties. It’s mostly a ceremonial position.

Now, I have to send my top espionage agent (me) on a mission to gather information on the capabilities of the U.S. convenience-store industry. In my absence, affairs of state will be run by the Parliamentary Congress of Senators (my three goldfish). But rest assured, fellow Caputonians, that I’ll swiftly return to my beloved motherland. And my beloved Cuisinart Grind and Brew Cofeemaker, with its elegant Ital- er, Caputonian styling.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Cuisinart

Features:

• Enjoy delicious gourmet coffee at home
• Grinds your favorite whole coffee beans just before brewing
• Grind off control lets you turn the grinder off when using preground coffee
• Gold tone reusable coffee filter basket so you will never run out of filters again
• Removeable grind chamber and filter basket with lid are dishwasher safe for easier cleaning 
• Double-wall, insulated, brushed metal, thermal carafe keeps up to 10 (5 oz.)cups of coffee hot for hours
• Coffee brews through, and pours through, a unique, self-sealing lid into a double-wall insulated thermal carafe to keep it fresh and hot for hours
• A charcoal water filter and a permanent commercial-style gold tone coffee filter let only pure coffee flavor flow through
• Water reservoir with water level indicator
• Showerhead distributes water evenly over coffee reducing temperature loss as water passes through grounds
• Brew Pause feature lets you enjoy a cup before brewing has finished
• Can be programmed to brew 1- 4 or 5+  cups of coffee at one time
• Program a start time up to 24 hours in advance
• Streamlined European design and smooth brushed stainless steel
• Automatically shuts off when brewing is complete
• Standard paper coffee filters can be used
• Cord storage

Additional Photos:

• Gold Tone Permanent Filter
• Coffee Grinder

In the box:

• Cuisinart Grind & Brew 10-Cup Coffee Maker
• Cuisinart Gold Tone Filter
• Scoop
• Carbon Filter
• Paper Basket Filter Starter Kit