“Yeah, Shirley. I guess I am. Heh. Hey, you’ve been on your feet all night, why not take a load off? Here, come sit by me on the couch.”

“Well… I guess I am kind of tired. Ooof. It does feel good to sit. Hey, Jack, thanks so much for coming to my party tonight. I know I always seem nervous around you at work and you might think I’m dumb but… well, it meant a lot to have you here.”

“Hey, I had a great time, Shirl, I really did. And don’t you worry, you’re always totally professional at work. I think you’re the bee’s knees, I really do. I also have to say, if you’ll excuse me for it… you really look great in that party dress.”

“Oh, ha ha, thank you. I guess I just wanted to show off a little tonight. I even got these new shoes. Do you like them?”

“Yeah. I do, they look great. That whole outfit looks great, in fact. I’m so glad I got to be here. Just think, if it wasn’t for this party, I never would have seen that great rack of yours!”

“WHAT?”

“Oh, come on, Shirley. Everyone noticed it. Out in the open like that, who’d miss it? Hey, I’m not complaining, a Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Rack like that deserves to be seen. Man! If I had one like that I’d show it off too! But right there on the counter, the whole party long? You’re wild, Shirley! Wild!”

“Jack… oh my God! Is that how you think of me? Some kind of… show-off? Like I put my Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Rack there on purpose?”

“Don’t play coy, Shirley. I have eyes. It wasn’t just one. It was a two pack. You put that two pack of Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Racks where everyone could see them clearly. That walnut finish. That durable construction. It’s all we were looking at, all night long!”

“Jack, stop! Stop staring at them! You’re making me uncomfortable!”

“Aw, Shirley, c’mon. At least let me get a good look. I figure racks like that, it could hold wine or champagne, am I right? It’s amazing! So classy! Truly a great addition to any home!”

“I can’t believe this! Jack, I think I need to ask you to leave.”

“Not until I get a better look at those racks. Hey, are they as smooth as they look? They seem like they’d be really easy to assemble.”

“Jack! Jack! You put down my two pack of Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Racks this instant! You’re getting fingerprints all over them!”

“Don’t fight it, Shirley. I’m thinking something like this, it could add a classic look to any kitchen, heck, any kitchen at all! Even right here on this counter!”

“Jack, I mean it! Stop it! Let them go! I don’t even use it for wines, I keep my wines on this top shelf! Do you hear me, Jack? My wines are up here! Up here, Jack! Where I’m pointing! Now stop looking at my racks!”

“Shirley, baby, I’m uncontrollable! All night long, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your two pack of Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Racks! C’mon, baby, let me learn to be your sommelier!”

“Jack. Jack, stop it. Stop it right now. I’m sorry if we misunderstood each other, but I need you to leave. Immediately. Without so much as a glance at my Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Racks.”

“Shirley, I… but I thought that… I’ll just… get my coat. I… I hope this doesn’t change our working relationship.”

“I’m sorry, Jack, but it will. After the way you pawed my Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Racks tonight, I’m afraid I can no longer work at your strip club beside the truck stop near the Interstate. I’ll be in to pick up my tassels sometime next week. Try not to be there.”

“Good night, Shirley. The Pump N’ Flash won’t be the same without your winning smile. And I’m sorry. I’m… so, so sorry.”

“Good night, Jack. And good bye.”

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Eight individual compartments easily store your favorite bottles of wine or champagne.
• Durable wood construction adds a classic look to any kitchen, home bar or dining room.
• Dimensions: 15”L x 7 1/2”W x 12”H
• Weight: 5.6 lbs. (each rack)
• Some assembly required
• Made out of wood with a walnut finish

Additional Photos:

• Rack Parts
• Rack with Wine
• Close Up

In the box:

• (2) Kamenstein 5021404 Butterfly 8 Bottle Wine Racks

Okay, well, let’s take a look here. People vs The Hot Dog Bandit. Really? Your name is really The Hot Dog Bandit? Oh, your name is Stan? Well, hello, Stan, I’m Horace, nice to meet you. Gosh, I wonder why the Chief of Police wrote that in wrong. No, Stan, that’s a rhetorical question, since I’m actually pretty sure I know exactly why. I see the reason right over there. Hello, “Almanac” Greene, good to see you back again. Where’s your freckled tomboy friend, Sammy? Oh, she’s watching a softball game this afternoon? Well, no matter, I’m sure we don’t need all the witnesses here today for this court case. Why stand on technicalities?

So, Stan, it says here that young Master Green caught you stealing diamonds, oh, how terrible. According to the police report, they caught you, a.k.a “The Hot Dog Bandit” standing near your wife, who was videotaping the hot dog eating contest with a Memorex Mini 720p HD Camcorder. Does that have an optical zoom, Stan? No optical zoom? Just 8x digital? Well, that’s okay, Stan, we’re just small town folks here. A town like ours, we don’t even need to put a person’s real name on our legal documents, so what good could come of optical zoom? No, Chief, we’ll get to you and “Almanac” soon. Right now, I’m talking to Stan.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, Stan, but this was the point when you were arrested, right? On suspicion of stealing diamonds? Now, I’m sure your wife taped the whole thing and saved it to a SDHC card, which was sold separately, because the Memorex Mini 720p HD Camcorder can record hours and hours of video onto a simple card. I’m sure of this, just like I’m sure that a record of every place you went all day is saved on this thing. And the reason I’m so sure of all that is because I actually watched the footage, which is the sort of thing you’d think would have happened well before a trial started, possibly even before the arrest was made! I can see there’s no chance you could have been near the diamonds at all. I also have to say, I’m very impressed by your camera. HD video, still shots, HDMI digital out, MP3 player, voice recorder, webcam, SD card reader, this thing does it all! By the way, here, you can have it back.

Okay, Chief, what is it? I shouldn’t give that back? You think the camera’s evidence? You too, “Almanac” Greene? Wow, that’s real policey talk, I’m very impressed. Too bad none of that policey talk was going on when you guys, and I quote from the official report, “sent three armed officers to apprehend the Hot Dog Bandit because he put sauerkraut on his hot dog before he put on the mustard.” Honestly, Chief. I’d expect this crap from Kid Batman over there, but you’re an officer of the law! You’ve been to school for this! And you really think that the way someone puts sauerkraut on their hot dog is probable cause? Stan, my friend, on behalf of the entire American Justice System, I apologize for the way you have been treated, and you are free to go. Don’t forget your Memorex Mini 720p HD Camcorder on the way out.

No, “Almanac”, this is not a travesty. And, let me tell you in advance, you’re not going to follow him home and peek in his windows to see if he’s killing his wife with an ice dagger that melts and leaves no murder weapon or break into his car to try to find a piece of paper that’s been folded more than seven times to prove he’s some kind of space robot or whatever you’re coming up with now. In fact, you’re going to stay away from all police business from now. Oh, what’s this you’re yelling? I’m corrupt? I’m in the pockets of the Hot Dog industry? You and Sammy are going to have me disbarred?

Bailiff, please escort young Master Greene back into the custody of his parents, he clearly needs his diapers changed. Then find me one of those Memorex Mini 720p HD Camcorders, I could use one of those when I’m out playing golf. Which is exactly where I am going right now. And, Chief? Don’t let me see you bringing a case like this into my courtroom again.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Memorex

Features:

• Digital HD Camcorder records at 720p 1280×720 resolution
• 5MP CMOS sensor captures still images up to 3744×2808 resolution
• SDHC Card reader can record hours of HD video (depending on the size of SD card)
• 7 in 1 video camcorder, HD video camcorder, still camera, HDMI digital out, MP3 player, Voice recorder, Web camera, and SD card reader
• Motion detection, when the camera detects movement it will start recording
• Night mode can record video is low light situations
• 64MB built in Nand flash memory (33MB usable storage)
• 8X digital zoom
• Dimensions: 4″ Tall x 1″ Wide x 2″ Deep

Additional Photos:

• Memorex MCC228RSBLK 5MP 720p Mini HD Camcorder
• SD Card Slot and Tri-Pod Mount
• Control Panel
• Fold Out View Screen
• Profile View

Specifications:

• 5MP CMOS sensor for still images, High: 3744×2808, Standard: 2592×1944, Low: 1600×1200
• Fixed Focus lens (f=7.0 ; F3.2) 20cm (Macro mode); 200cm ~ infinite
• 2.4” color LCD
• 8X digital zoom
• 64MB Nand flash memory (33MB usable storage)
• Motion Detection / Video stabilization
• Night mode for Movie / Picture
• Special effects for video / still images
• HD: (720p) 1280×720 / 30 fps, D1: 720×480 / 30 fps, VGA: 640×480 / 30 fps, QVGA: 320×240 / 30 fps
• Auto, Daylight, Fluorescent, Tungsten
• ± 1EV in 0.3 steps
• Auto, On, Off, Red-Eye-Reduction
• AVI (video) , JPG, WAV, MP3 support
• HDMI/Mini USB2.0/ TV Out
• Analog: Composite Video (NTSC/PAL Selectable)
• Rechargeable Li-ion Battery

In the box:

• Memorex MCC228RSBLK 5MP 720p Mini HD Camcorder
• Protective Case
• Battery
• Power Adapter
• Audio/Video Cable
• Wrist Strap