I guess you think it was just hilarious, leaving me that video message on the Audiovox Video Message Center. I bet you were just busting a gut when I dropped everything and ran off to the Sahara. Well, Gary, someday you’ll have kids of your own, and you’ll know: you don’t stop and ask questions when your only son tells you he’s gone off and joined the French Foreign Legion.

You just sounded so convincing in that 480×234 video on that 7” LCD screen. And the story you told: “I’m sorry, Mom, but since Bethany went away to equestrian school, I’ve felt like I needed something more in life, something to help me forget.” I just never stopped to think that you would joke about something like that. If trusting your child makes you a fool, I guess I’m fool numéro un.

All that time – on the 17-hour flight over, and fighting my way through the mob of grabby, dirty little urchins at the airport, and my absolute humiliation at the consul’s office when he told me they had no record of a Gary McAtee – all I could think about was my baby fighting and dying in the desert. Those belligerent French military slogans you wrote on the Audiovox Video Message Center’s dry-erase surface kept running through my mind. You wouldn’t believe the things I ate over there, just for the strength to keep going, for the strength to save you.

And then I find out it’s all a joke. Real funny one. Well, I’ve got a joke for you, too: to earn the money to pay me back, you’re going to be working at the petting zoo all next summer. I made a special request to put you on camel-cleanup duty. Here, I even brought you your own kepi back from Tunisia. Vers l’avant!

Warranty: 90 Day Audiovox

Features:

• 7-inch color LCD screen for displaying photos, the calendar and clock
• Interactive calendar and digital clock (with alarm and countdown timer)
• 1 GB of memory enough for more than 125 high resolution pictures, 20 minutes of video, 30 minutes of audio memos, and 400 event memos
• Adjustable camera for recording digital video memos
• Built-in microphone for recording digital voice memos with speakers with separate volume control
• Magnetic border for posting notes, coupons, receipts, etc.
• LED light that indicates a message has been left
• Erasable whiteboard and dry erase marker for quick notes and messages
• Multiple mounting options for your convenience: refrigerator, wall and countertop
• Supports SD/MMC, MS, xD and CF memory cards as well as USB flash drives

Specifications:

• Digital Picture Frame 7” LCD
• Aspect Ratio 16:9
• Resolution: 480×234 pixels
• Internal Flash Memory 1 GB
• USB Connector Provides interface for external USB memory device
• SD/MMC/MS/xD Card Slot Provides interface for memory device
• CF Connector Provides interface for CF memory device
• Date/Time Digital Calendar and Clock Feature
• Video Messages Internal camera for video recording
• Voice Messages Internal microphone for digital audio recording
• Audio Output Internal speakers (2) with separate volume control
• Menu Navigation 3 keys
• Message Indicator Orange LED
• Reminder Function The memo LED will light when there is an unheard voice or video memo or an activated calendar voice or video memo
• Memory Backup for the Clock Internal backup battery data Info …..etc. Battery type CR2032
• Image File Type Handling JPEG

In the box:

• Audiovox DPF711K Video Message Center
• Wall Mount Bracket
• Angle Mount Bracket (2)
• Power Adapter
• Adhesive Foam Pad (2)
• Post-It Note Pad
• Button Magnet (2)
• Dry Erase Marker
• Plastic Wall Anchor (2)
• Wire Management System (Black, White and Clear)
• Flat-Head Self-Tapping Screw (2)
• Double-Sided Tape
• Mounting Hole Template

Inset photo credit: Victoria Reay