I guess my Dual Core processor don’t thrill you like them Core2Duo bimbos do, right? I know you been checking out all them shiny new systems strutting around CES, too, you heel. Like they’d ever look twice at you. Some of them ain’t even gonna ship until the 3rd quarter! But you got me right here ready for you, begging for some attention, only I ain’t good enough no more.

Well, I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I’m barely a year old – that’s the prime of a PC’s life, you know that? I could walk out of here right now and any number of guys would jump at the chance to take home a desktop system like me. 320GB hard drive, 3GB DDR2 memory, DVD+/-RW optical drive, six USB ports… you used to love that hard drive. You always usedta tell me how cute them USB ports looked when I first booted up in the morning.

But I can’t afford to come down with a case of the usedtas. Them days are dead and gone. You want one of them fine young things, you go ahead and try your best. But when they laugh at you and tell you “Go find an adding machine to play with, old man,” don’t you come crawlin’ to me, you hear? I’m gettin’ out. I’m movin’ on for good, right now. And nothin’ you can say’s ever gonna bring me back. Especially after midnight tonight.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year Lenovo

Features:

• Intel 64 bit dual core Pentium E2220 2.4GHz processor
• 320GB SATA II hard drive
• 3GB DDR2 240 pin DIMM
• DVD+/-RW optical drive
• Intel GMA 3100 graphics
• 10/100 LAN networking
• 6 USB 2.0 ports (2 in front, 4 in rear)
• Windows Vista Home Premium Operating System
• Eligible for Windows 7 Upgrade Program

Additional Photos:

• Lenovo IdeaCentre Dual Core 2.4Ghz Desktop
• Front USB, Headphone, Microphone, and Optical Drive
• Side Panel Removed
• USB Mouse
• Keyboard
• Rear Ports
• Box

Specifications:

• Processor: Intel Pentium 2.4GHz Dual-Core E2220
• Processor Main Features: 64 bit Dual Core Processor
• Cache Per Processor: 1MB L2 Cache
• Memory: 3GB DDR2 800
• Hard Drive: 320GB SATA II
• Optical Drive: DVD+/-RW
• Graphics: Intel GMA 3100
• Audio: Sound card Integrated
• Ethernet: 10/100 LAN
• Keyboard: PS2 Keyboard
• Mouse: Optical Mouse
• Operating System: Windows Vista Home Premium

CPU:

• CPU Type: Pentium dual-core
• CPU FSB: 800MHz
• CPU Speed: E2220 2.40GHz
• L2 Cache Per CPU: 1MB
• CPU Socket Type: LGA 775
• CPU Main Features: 64 bit Dual Core Processor

Graphics:

• GPU/VPU Type: Intel GMA 3100
• Graphics Interface: Integrated video

Memory:

• Memory Capacity: 3GB DDR2
• Memory Speed: DDR2 800
• Form Factor: DIMM 240-pin
• Memory Spec: 2GB x 1 & 1GB x 1
• Memory Slot (Total): 2
• Memory Slot (Available): 0
• Maximum Memory Supported: 4GB

Hard Drive:

• Capacity: 320GB
• Interface: SATA II

Optical Drive:

• Optical Drive Type: DVD±RW

Audio:

• Audio Chipset: Integrated

Communications:

• LAN Chipset: Integrated
• LAN Speed: 10/100Mbps

Front Panel Ports:

• Front USB: 2
• Front Audio Ports: 2

Back Panel Ports:

• COM: 1
• PS/2: 2
• Video Ports: 1 VGA
• Rear USB: 4
• RJ45: 1 port
• Rear Audio Ports: 3 ports

Expansion:

• 1 PCI Express x16
• 2 PCI Express x1
• 1 PCI

Dimensions and Weight:

• Dimensions: 16.10” x 14.20” x 6.90”
• Weight: 20.10 lbs

In the box:

• Lenovo IdeaCentre H210 5355AFU Desktop
• Mouse
• Keyboard
• Power Cable

It’s just that I was listening to my Sandisk Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player. Well, it’s kind of a corporate requirement that I say the full name like that. Anyway, who’s this guy talking? Okay. What’s he talking about, exactly? No, to be honest I was zoning out and listening to a Flairs tune. You like Flairs? Oh. Nevermind then.

Hey, you want one of these things? We seriously get like five of these a week. I’ve been leaving them as tips at restaurants. They’re not bad; I mean, they’re refurbished, but-

Don’t look at me like that. Haven’t you ever heard of the site? Oh.

Anyway, if you try to get the same thing from Apple it’s going to be a solid $80, easy. You can expand the memory for about half the price, too. This thing has a simple drag an drop file transfer, so you don’t have to download any programs, either. It’s even got a screen!

Seriously? What if I throw in a screaming monkey? Well jeez, sorry for trying to strike up a conversation during a product announcement at a trade show we’ve both been paid to report. So who are you with?

Google? Seriously? Wow. Hey, are you guys going to announce anything or did I miss it?

Warranty: 90 Day Woot

Features:

• Portable media machine with 4GB of storage (expandable via micro SDHC cards)
• Listen, watch and play all day with 24 hours of battery life
• Watch video clips on the Sansa Fuze’s 1.9” color screen
• FM radio with 40 preset stations
• Built-in voice recorder
• Share your photos wherever you go
• 0.3” thin device easily fits in your pocket
• micro SDHC slot for additional content expansion
• Music subscription ready
• Dimensions (HxWxD): 3.1×1.9×0.3 in.

Additional Photos:

• Left Side
• Right Side

System Requirements:

• Windows® XP or Vista
• Linux and Mac OS (under MSC mode)
• Windows Media Player® 10 or 11
• USB 2.0 high power port required for Hi-Speed transfer and charging

In the box:

• Sansa Fuze 4GB Media Player
• Earbud Headphones
• USB Cable

“SO?! Who cares about the stupid neighbors? Let them call the cops for all I care! Gertie’s gone and I don’t care about anything anymore!”

“Seriously, man, you gotta get over her.”

“How dare you trivialize my pain, Joey! I am mourning the death of the best relationship I ever had! How can you be so flippant about this?”

“It’s been two months, dude.”

“It hasn’t been that long to my heart!”

“I can’t believe that just came out of your mouth. Dude, have you even showered since she left? I think I can smell you through the door.”

“If all you’re going to do is mock me, then get off my porch and leave me to my healing process.”

“Healing process? Sitting on your couch in your underwear and staring into an HP 8” Digital Photo Frame as its slideshow function displays photographic memory after photographic memory of all the good times you and Gertie had before she started sleeping with that high school janitor as it plays all the Death Cab For Cutie songs you’ve stored in the 128MB internal memory or on the inserted memory card over and over again is what you call healing?”

“It supports all the motion JPEG video files we made together, too, you know! SOB!”

“WHO ARE YOU ANYMORE? For real, dude, don’t make me break this door down ‘cause, if I do, I’m smashing that thing and dragging you to a strip club, I swear to you.”

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 1 Year LiteOn

Features:

• 8” LCD photo frame with 4:3 aspect ratio, and 800×600 resolution
• Slide show function allows you to set the frequency to 5 seconds, 30 seconds, 1 minute, 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 4 hours, 12 hours, 1 day, or 1 week and can be set to six different transition modes
• Pictures can be viewed in landscape or portrait mode
• Music mode allows you to play MP3 audio files that are stored in the internal memory or on the inserted memory card
• Supports Motion JPEG video file format (640X480 at 30 fps)
• Supported memory card type: Secure Digital, xD-Picture Card, MultiMedia Card, Memory Stick, and Memory Stick PRO
• 5-in-1 and CF memory card slots support hot-swap function
• Calendar mode displays a monthly calendar with clock
• Alarm function can be configured for one time or daily

Specifications:

• Resolution: 800×600
• Contrast Ratio: 400:1
• Formats: JPEG, Motion JPEG, MP3
• Internal Memory: 128MB
• USB Port: Mini USB (PC Connection)
• Power: AC Adapter 5V/2A
• Dimensions: 9.3” x 7.7” x 1.2”

Additional Photos:

• HP 8” Digital Picture Frame
• Memory Card Reader
• Power Plug, On/Off Switch, and USB Port
• Control Buttons
• Retail Box

In the box:

• HP 8” Digital Picture Frame
• USB Cable
• Remote Control
• Power Adapter
• User Guide

Inset photo credit: belgianchocolate