The guy didn’t hear me and walked out of the bar. I put down my Red Bull pousse-café and wandered over to the stool he had just left, where something had fallen out of his pocket. Was it what I thought it was?

Yes, it was: a pallet of brand-new iPod Nanos.

Looking around to see if anybody else had noticed, I furtively started my forklift and slipped out with the misplaced Nano stash. I felt eyes peering at me from every shadow in the darkened streets, but that was probably just the Red Bull. Back at my place, I tore open the plastic to find approximately one metric buttload of brand-new 5th gen Nanos – not refurbs – in their retail packages. These babies were loaded: 8GB of storage space, built-in video camera, 2.2” TFT display, pedometer, FM tuner, the whole bit. Score!

Of course, I had to follow my duty under the law to reunite lost property with its owners, I printed up one flyer that said “FOUND: SOME STUFF. IF IT’S YOURS, MEET ME BEHIND THE NAIL SALON/PAWNSHOP AT 67TH & MARTIN LUTHER KING BLVD. AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. NO FAT CHICKS.” and posted it in a toilet stall at the Christian Science Reading Room. As I waited there that night, I felt the clock ticking, each second bringing me closer to a life of luxury and leisure. By 12:00:30, nobody had shown up to claim them – so the Nanos were mine! All mine!

I sold them all the next day, went back to the bar, and partied deep into the night, buying rounds and taking karaoke requests (like “Poker Face” and “Black Dog” and “buy me a Miata and I’ll be your new girlfriend”). I was the life of the party at the party of my life. And that’s what brings me back here this morning: has anyone turned in a suitcase containing a million dollars?

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: One year Apple

Features:

• 8GB iPod Nano holds up to 2,000 songs in 128Kbps AAC, 7,000 iPod viewable photos, or 8 hours of video (based on H.264 1.5-Mbps video at 640-by-480 resolution)
• Built-in video camera, records H.264 VGA video, 640 x 480 pixels, up to 30 frames per second with AAC audio
• FM tuner with Live Pause and iTunes Tagging
• Pedometer, uses the built-in accelerometer to keep track of your steps and help you meet your fitness goals
• 2.2-inch (diagonal) TFT display with 240-by-376-pixel resolution at 204 pixels per inch
• Polished anodized aluminum finish comes in seven colors, Silver, Purple, Pink, Orange, Green, Black, or Blue
• Genius Mixes, searches your iTunes library to find songs that go great together and making new mixes automatically
• VoiceOver tells you the title and artist of the songs you listen to

Colors:

• Black
• Black Package
• Black Camera, Headphone Jack, Dock Connector
• Blue
• Blue Package
• Blue Camera, Headphone Jack, Dock Connector
• Silver
• Silver Package
• Silver Camera, Headphone Jack, Dock Connector
• Purple
• Purple Package
• Pink
• Pink Package
• Pink Camera, Headphone Jack, Dock Connector

Capacity:

• 8GB flash drive
• Holds up to 2,000 in 128-Kbps AAC format (based on 4 minutes per song)
• Holds up to 7,000 iPod-viewable photos
• Holds up to 8 hours of video (based on H.264 1.5-Mbps video at 640-by-480 resolution combined with 128-Kbps audio)
• Stores data via USB flash drive

Accessibility:

• Spoken menus allow listeners to hear many of the names of menus, song titles, and artists without viewing the screen
• An alternative large font can make menus easier to read
• A high-resolution LCD display with adjustable contrast and backlight settings makes it easier to read in low light
• Captions in video are displayed when they are present using a legible, high-contrast white-on-black font

Display:

• 2.2-inch (diagonal) TFT display
• 240-by-376-pixel resolution at 204 pixels per inch

Audio:

• Frequency response: 20Hz to 20,000Hz
• Audio formats supported: AAC (8 to 320 Kbps), Protected AAC (from iTunes Store), HE-AAC, MP3 (8 to 320 Kbps), MP3 VBR, Audible (formats 2, 3, 4, Audible Enhanced Audio, AAX, and AAX+), Apple Lossless, AIFF, and WAV
• User-configurable maximum volume limit

Video Capture:

• H.264 VGA video, 640 by 480 pixels, up to 30 frames per second with AAC audio
• 15 real-time special effects: Sepia, Black and White, X-Ray, Film Grain, Thermal, Security Cam, Cyborg, Bulge, Kaleido, Motion Blur, Mirror, Light Tunnel, Dent, Stretch, and Twirl
• H.264 video, up to 1.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Low-Complexity version of the H.264 Baseline Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; H.264 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Baseline Profile up to Level 3.0 with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats; MPEG-4 video, up to 2.5 Mbps, 640 by 480 pixels, 30 frames per second, Simple Profile with AAC-LC audio up to 160 Kbps, 48kHz, stereo audio in .m4v, .mp4, and .mov file formats

Battery and power:

• Built-in rechargeable lithium-ion battery
• Playback time, Music playback time: Up to 24 hours when fully charged, Video playback time: Up to 5 hours when fully charged
• Audio: 24 hours. Video: 5 hours. Recording Video 1.5 hours
• Charging via USB to computer system or power adapter (sold separately), Fast-charge time: about 1.5 hours (charges up to 80% of battery capacity), Full-charge time: about 3 hours

Size and Weight:

• Height: 3.6 inches (90.7 mm)
• Width: 1.5 inches (38.7 mm)
• Depth: 0.24 inch (6.2 mm)
• Weight: 1.28 ounces (36.4 grams)

Mac system requirements:

• Mac computer with USB 2.0 port
• Mac OS X v10.4.11 or later
• iTunes 9 or later
• iPhoto 6.0.6 or later recommended for use with Mac OS X Tiger
• iPhoto ’09 recommended for use with Mac OS X Leopard or Snow Leopard

Windows system requirements:

• PC with USB 2.0 port
• Windows Vista or Windows XP Home or Professional with Service Pack 3 or later
• iTunes 9 or later

Environmental requirements:

• Operating temperature: 32° to 95° F (0° to 35° C)
• Nonoperating temperature: -4° to 113° F (-20° to 45° C)
• Relative humidity: 5% to 95% noncondensing
• Maximum operating altitude: 10,000 feet (3000 m)

VoiceOver Kit:

• Chinese (Cantonese)
• Chinese (Mandarin)
• Czech
• Danish
• Dutch
• English
• Finnish
• French
• German
• Greek
• Italian
• Japanese
• Korean
• Norwegian
• Polish
• Portuguese
• Russian
• Spanish
• Swedish
• Turkish

In the box:

• Apple 8GB 5th Generation iPod Nano (Choose Your Color)
• iPod to USB Cable
• Earbuds